Scattered Flurries

Before I get into the events of the last two weeks, there are two events I failed to report on around the time they happened, partially for reasons of propriety, partially because they weren’t actually that important. But since I keep reflecting back on them and giggling, I think they bear recounting:

First, there was a security training seminar that has stayed with me. It could have been five seconds long, since the entire lesson was “If you see someone suspicious, call security.” (I suppose technically there were some subsets to this, but lessons like “Don’t try to disarm a bomb on your own” could probably have gone without saying.) Now, I know I tend to be more irreverent than your average bear, but believe me when I tell you that whether it was in spite of or because of the subject matter, it was the most bizarre and hysterical Powerpoint presentation I’ve ever seen. There was the security officer pulling a prop gun on an audience member, there were sound effects between slides alternating between explosions and bullet ricochets (and once, for no apparent reason, a toilet flushing!), and one slide featuring the world’s most infamous bearded baddie spinning the world on his fingers like a Harlem Globetrotter. It was surreal, and it wasn’t until our cast got into the hallway and looked at each other that the laughter exploded and the tears started pouring down our faces. This is the stuff of memory.

Second, I had a great overheard. (Finally, something to say if I’m ever on “Stop Podcasting Yourself”!) A bunch of JARs were talking about how they hate the way they look in photographs, and one of them said “I make a pouty face when I’m being photographed, because when I smile, it makes my nose look wide.” Now, maybe you have to know the person who said it (and know that she’s ridiculously pretty and impossibly skinny), but it makes me laugh every time.

Thank you.

Now, the last two weeks started with a five-day cruise packed to the brim with spring break students. They were loud, they were drunk, and I spent most of the first sea day hiding from them in my room.

Then Grand Cayman, our show day. I was slightly anxious about the shows, because I knew the late one was being taped, and I’ve always had this weirdness about live shows being recorded, or anything being presented in a medium it wasn’t intended for. What can I say? I love neuroses! They’re like hobbies you don’t have to work on! (And actually, this being the third time I thought we were being taped, with one castmate requesting a second taping due to an unsatisfying performance the first time, and the man with the camera getting the wrong show time the second time, I’ve more or less been cured.  Nevertheless…)

This is all background to my being determined to have a good time in Grand Cayman. What happened instead is that I woke up at the crack of dawn only to find out after having gotten dressed and prepared that my excursion had been cancelled due to inclement weather. So I dragged myself back to bed and tossed and turned my way through some catch-up sleep. I puttered around for the rest of the day, and then we had our shows. And for the early show, for whatever reason, the crowd just didn’t seem to be on my side. I actually thought I was having a pretty good show, and I don’t think anyone who wasn’t familiar with how the show usually goes would pick up on anything, but it just didn’t seem like I had them the way I normally do. I was feeling pretty meh.

And then for the late show, with the bigger and younger crowd, I could do no wrong. I couldn’t feel a significant difference in my performance, and maybe there wasn’t one, but for whatever reason, I had them. Comedy: such a bizarre enterprise. And while I still am no fan of watching theatrical performance on film, I’m glad that the DVD I’ll have as a keepsake captured a well-received performance. Maybe something to show my kids when I’m a compromised old office worker, or my grandkids when I’m a crazy, old bigot. (Note: As far as I know, I’m not a bigot at present. But I’m sure most grandparents weren’t in their heyday either, and look what happens! Hmmm…alright, I may be an ageist…)

So after the show, we make our way up to the Spinnaker for the White Hot Party. And no sooner have we walked in then suddenly I’m flanked by a posse of blonde coeds telling me they loved the show and that I was their favorite. Now, throughout my time onboard, the odd passenger here and there has told me this, and it’s always nice. And as a group, we’ve had guest entertainers who’ve spent a lot of time on ships tell us that we’re the best Second City cast they’ve seen, which is even nicer. But to have a bunch of young ladies (did I mention they were blonde?) say that, well, I’d assumed I’d have to learn guitar if I ever wanted that to happen! Good thing I haven’t been wasting my time practicing! So I held court for awhile, in case it never happens again.

It was pleasant and weird. Pleird.

The next day was Cozumel, which was spent quite lowkey. It may have been my last snorkeling from No Name Bar, though, which would be kind of sad. Pretty, pretty fish. And that night, Ashley hosted a goodbye party for techie Luke and YC Milkshake, which ended up being a small, sitting-around-drinking type affair. It will mostly be remembered (at least by me, possibly by Ashley) for my saying “Oh, I’m so sorry I took the conversation about orangutan rape to a dark place!”

There was a context. You don’t need it.

The next night, our improv shows. Vaguely reminiscent of Vancouver, as they were younger, drunker and louder than we’ve been accustomed to. I personally really enjoyed performing for them, as, whatever other limitations they had, their energy was great. I also discovered early on that while they weren’t necessarily as worldly as you might think a college crowd would be, they enjoyed being made fun of for it. For instance, Megan and I were doing commentary for Slo-Mo Commentary, and she said “And there’s Sam Sheepard, not to be confused with Sam Shephard, the playwright,” and in the silent beat that followed, I added “Not by this crowd, no,” expecting to have them turn on me a little (in a good-natured way, of course), but it actually seemed to work.

I also had a very good moment doing Dream. The interviewee was hitting on Mike the whole time he was interviewing her, and she said as part of the interview that she was there because she had a thing for Nate. So at the point of the Dream sequence that she was out for dinner, I entered and said “Hi, I’m Dan. I’m the one in Second City you didn’t want to hit on.” And it killed. Got an applause break, it did.

And that was just the first show.

The second show was even crazier, and the nicest endorsement is that nearly all of the crowd from the first show stuck around for the second show. My personal highlight of the second show was actually setting up a scene. I was getting suggestions for Stage Directions / Blind Line, and no sooner had I sent the three of them out of the room then the crowd started catcalling me and yelling “You’re the sexiest!” Which, of course, I am, but who knew they’d recognize that?!? Then one guy yelled out “You’re bald, ” which gave me the opportunity to pull out an intentionally inane heckler’s retorts, in the proud tradition of Hank Kingsley.  I chose to bastardize Winston Churchill with “Yes, but in the morning, I’ll have hair, but you’ll still be drunk.” Oh, how they cheered!

Another highlight was Bar Pickup with Megan. Sadly, I don’t remember much of what was said, but suffice it to say, it’s a scene I love to do with Megan, and if you’re going to play an innuendo game, this is the crowd you’d want.

And to close out the night, my all-ladies fan club provided me with beers for the evening. Bud Lites, mind you, but actors can’t be choosers.

And that was the five-day. Then the much-anticipated nine-day, because my brother Evan was coming for his visit. For those who don’t know him, HE’S VERY CHARMING! For those who do know him, he’s alright. And though there was a not-insignificant part of me that would have been very happy to have a room to myself for a week, I was glad to have him here.

This is the only picture I took of him, as he was doing most of the photography for his time here, old-school photography, film and everything. So this is the only proof I have that he was here, and it pretty much sums up his first day onboard.

The first night was dinner with the cast at Azura. Some good instant bonding, and either no embarrassing information was exchanged in either direction or I’ve blocked it out. Either way, nothing to report. And that night, he experienced Crew Bar. I don’t remember anything particularly interesting happening, beyond performing a karaoke duet with Stacey from Shore Excursions to Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds.” And drinking to the wee hours.